10 weeks

It's been an eventful couple of weeks! We have now told our families and our close friends, so I guess all that's left is to make it 'Facebook official'. That will probably happen sometime this week. It took a while to get around everyone (I have a large family) but it was very exciting to finally share the news with everyone.

The last couple of weeks have been slightly better, with my vomiting down to a couple of days a week, instead of everyday. I have unfortunately still had nausea to deal with most of the day, with few breaks. I've still been very tired, but I'm managing to get out more. I'm still really struggling to drink enough- I've found if I have any more than a mouthful of water at a time it's making me feel sick. That makes it really hard to get through the 2 litres I'm meant to drink each day. Apart from the fact that I feel really awful if I don't drink enough, I find I have trouble with my bowels if I'm not properly hydrated. A lot of women have trouble with constipation in the first trimester, but I've found the opposite. I don't have bowel accidents very often usually, but I've found I've woken up a few times lately and had to go straight to the shower to clean up.
Another thing I've found is I'm really windy. Not fart windy, but just needing to burp a lot, which, unfortunately, is something I can't do on command. A lot of nights I'll go to bed and find I can't sleep on my back because I feel like I'm going to be sick. Most nights I just go to sleep in the recovery position! That pressure in my chest just makes me feel sick, as if I need to vomit. I've tried bubbly drinks and they do help to an extent, but mostly I've just had to wait it out. Any suggestions on dealing with this are more than welcome!!

Last week we had our first scan! It was all rather exciting. I wanted to look at Tim to see his face when he saw it, but I couldn't stop looking at the screen myself. There is definitely a baby there! And only one, which was a huge relief! This is enough of a medical circus without twins to complicate things even more. At nine weeks, it was looking like a kidney bean with the beginnings of arms and legs, which it was waving around all over the place, which was very considerate. There was a nice strong heartbeat and the lady doing the scan said everything else looks good. I sent a photo of the scan to Mum and sisters etc. Ellie's reply 'was my favourite- 'nice uterus'.

9 weeks old!

After lots of discussion about the pro's and con's of going private/public, I've decided to go public. It's such a small town it makes basically no difference for someone like me who is high risk anyway. I did find however that Dr H will be exclusively private after Christmas, so after all that drama choosing an obstetrician, I won't be seeing her anyway. The good thing is that Dr D, who was my other choice, is the head of obstetrics at the hospital, so I will mainly be dealing with her. Because it's such a small town, I would be delivering at the same hospital regardless and I think really, when you take the wheelchair into account, they will try to get me into a private room asap. Especially if they are going to admit me early, which is always a possibility. 

I definitely don't have a baby belly starting yet, but I have found with my inactivity over the past month or so, combined with my limited food options, I have a very pudgy and squishy belly. My areolas are taking over my breasts, which I didn't think had grown yet. Until I stopped into my local bras and things to just try on a few bras and came away two cup sizes bigger!! So by the time this baby arrives, I may have more boobs than belly!! 

I've been back to see my kidney doctor. My ppht has been a lot better- my nausea has meant I have only been able to eat little and often which has really helped. I've also been better at keeping my fluids up. I still want to find a medication that can help though, because I'm really not comfortable with the amount of strain it puts on my heart when I get it wrong. I left my appointment with a 24 hour blood pressure monitor to see what my blood pressure is doing overnight. The Austin hospital in Melbourne has a number of patients with similar conditions/symptoms who have an increase in blood pressure overnight, when it should actually be lower. I have a follow up appointment this week to see what the results were, other than keeping Tim and I awake all night! 

It's now 8pm, which means it's my bed time. I've been finding I need a good 11-12 hours sleep a night at the moment, or I crash out in a big way through the day. Until next time!

7.5 weeks

It's been a week of ups and downs!

Over the past few days we have told our siblings the news. My sister Ellie is a nurse. She was please to hear the news, but also knows that we are still a while off the 'safe' time yet, so is cautiously optimistic. My other sister Becca was very excited, I could practically see her jumping through the phone! Tims sister and my brother Keygan were both excited too, Keygan more than I expected, which was nice.

I want to make sure I continue playing basketball as long as I can, since that's really my only regular exercise at this point. Basketball was cancelled this week unfortunately, but we kept our dinner date with our good friends Tom & Megan. I was glad we'd told our siblings, because Tom had picked up within 5 minutes of dinner! I called another good friend Eri yesterday to share the news with her. She is currently 30 weeks pregnant, so has a pretty good idea of what I'm dealing with! We had a good chat on the phone and I felt much better with her knowing. Two of my cousins have also have babies recently, so it won't be long before I share with them. 

My morning sickness definitely isn't getting any better yet, in fact Tim actually thinks it's getting worse. There have been a couple of mornings this week where I've been sick multiple times. If I have a good day, I'll get a few hours in the afternoon where I feel ok. At this stage I'm very much taking things one day at a time. I'm just eating whatever I can get down and really trying to make sure I get enough fluids into me!

So far as work is concerned, I don't think I'll be able to go much longer without letting my boss know. Apart from anything else, I want her to start organising someone who can step in if things get worse. Work mornings I skip my laxatives, so I avoid the whole tummy massage thing, which seems to be the main trigger for my vomiting. It's been working so far, but I'm not sure how long it will continue to work for.

I've booked in my dating scan for the week after next, so I'm looking forward to that. I also have an appointment with Dr H booked for the week after that, but I think I'm going to go see my GP about going public. I just can't justify the thousands of dollars it's going to cost me, for such a small return. Since I'll be classed high risk, I'm going to be seeing Dr H and Dr D anyway!

So in summary, I feel like crap, but at least I have a couple of people I can talk to about it now and I can stop lying to my sisters every time they ask how I've been!

6.5 weeks

Another week in and I'm not getting any better. In fact, if you count the fact I've started vomiting, I've actually got worse. I know that morning sickness isn't a para specific problem, but this is about my whole experience, so you get all the 'normal'stuff too. The past couple of days have been particularly horrible. I had had a couple of big days and late nights, so I don't know if that has made my morning sickness even worse.

What was that show/movie where the women said "why do they call it morning sickness, when it hits you at every god damn minute of the day?" I've been trying to think of it all week! 

Basically, if I'm having a good day, the nausea will leave me mid afternoon. I've had no appetite. I've managed most mornings to have a piece of toast, although I've gone off vegemite after having vomited it up twice. Anything I do eat is very plain and mostly just carbs, although I did make some vegetable and chicken soup a couple of days ago. I'm sick of it, but trying to get a least a small bowl of that down each day.

Dr H called me last week. She had got my results from my blood test and has given me a referral for a dating scan, since their machines are all upstairs. I need to go do that in a couple of weeks, once the pregnancy is big enough to see properly. She also spoke to me about baclofen, saying that the case studies she's been reading up on have all been exposed to huge doses, up to 200mg daily, so my taking 10-20mg a day is a very low risk. She also gave me the heads up on B6 and ginger for my morning sickness. I knew about ginger but of course had completely forgotten about it!

I read a study a few months ago, saying they had disproved baby brain, that it doesn't exist, which I found interesting at the time. Yeah, I'm calling bullshit on that! I'd lose my head at the moment if it wasn't screwed on!

I'm finding myself a bit conflicted at the moment. I know it's sensible to keep things quiet at the moment, that once the news gets out I get a whole new identity, but at the same time, I'm feeling so lonely. Tim has been really good, but he cannot possibly understand what this feels like, in the way I couldn't two months ago. I desperately want to talk about it, for others to understand what I'm going through, but it's really hard when the only two women I can talk to about it at the moment is my mum and Tims. Both of whom are busy women with a lot going on in their own lives at the moment.

We have decided to tell our siblings after the dating scan, so I guess it's only a couple of weeks before it will be out! And the rate I've been going lately, I'll only be awake for one of them anyway!

5.5 weeks

What a difference a week makes! I can't say I've really enjoyed the past few days.

We arranged dinner last Thursday to tell our parents, but ended up telling Tim's mum the day before as she was going away and couldn't make it. The next night we told Tim's dad and both of my parents. It was so good to be able to tell mum and talk to her about what was going on. I mean she's been through this before, so she knows what I'm going through and what to expect. Although I'm really kee to tell my sisters, I know she's right that once people know, it stops being about Tim and I and will become all about the baby. This is our last chance to be selfish, to just be us. 

Everything was going fine until I told my mother-in-law I was sleeping well and I told my mum I hadn't been feeling sick. So now of course, I've been proved wrong on both counts! Add to that my post pranial hypotension, and I've spent the last week bouncing between three different versions of awful. I did have a few hours reprieve yesterday afternoon which was lovely and gave me a chance to catch up on some of the neglected housework. I'm pulling out every trick I can think of to get around the fatigue/exhaustion.

At least I'm not vomiting I guess. Although, judging on my previous week, I'm about to start, now that I've said it out loud. I'm just feeling 'off'' all the time, though drinking bubbly drinks and burping lots makes me feel better, even if it isn't the most ladylike behaviour.

I'm currently only working one day a week, that day being tomorrow. Saturday I was wondering how the hell I'm meant to manage that, but after yesterday I'm feeling a bit more encouraged about it. I've also picked up a bit this afternoon. So I'll go in tomorrow and see how I go. If it is too much, I'll have to let them know I'm not going to be available. I did speak to my boss a few months ago to let her know we would be trying for a baby soon and I really didn't know how long I would be able to keep working when it did happen. You would think I could manage one day a week!

I've been in contact with my para mum in Victoria this week again, asking her some more questions that have come up, like how she was effected from a mobility perspective and with catheters and so on. While her circumstances are slightly different to mine, it's very handy to bounce ideas and questions off her.

I haven't heard from the doctors yet, though I didn't really expect to. I don't imagine they will be scanning or anythign for at least a few weeks yet. I know if we want to test for downs syndrome, they will take a blood test at around 9 weeks, so we need to decide if we want to do that. I also need to decide if I want to go public or private. From what I've heard from others, it isn't going to make much of a difference for me. As I'm a high risk patient, I'll be attended to by the OB's anyway and the two that work at the hospital are Dr H and Dr D.

Hopefully I will work out how to deal with these symptoms over the next couple of weeks and I can start enjoying this a bit more!

4.5 weeks

So it turns out my original expectations were closer to my readjusted ones! I was due to get my period Saturday and managed to hold out until Monday to do a pregnancy test. I hadn't even finished peeing and it was showing positive!

I called up to see my GP, Dr G, but he was away, so I went to see one of the other doctors at my clinic. I was feeling a bit guilty for leaving for leaving him out of the loop, but I wasn't waiting til the end of the week. (I did email him to make sure he knew).

The doctor I saw instead ordered a blood test to confirm and went through all the basics, what foods to avoid etc, but between Dr G and Dr H, I think we had covered it all already. I called yesterday and the blood test confirmed it, pregnant 4-5 weeks! If we go off the date I got my last period, then it's five weeks tomorrow.

So far I've only told the two doctors and the dog. I'm bursting inside!! We have both sets of parents coming over for dinner tomorrow so we can tell them. I think Tim would rather keep it to ourselves a bit longer, but I need to tell Mum. And I can't tell her without telling the other three, so all the parents it is! I'm dying to tell my sisters, but our parents come first.
I think one of the reasons Tim wants to wait is because of the increased risk of miscarriage. That is the exact reason I need to tell Mum. If I do, I need her to know about it. Tim is wonderful and very supportive, but I need more than him if this pregnancy doesn't stick.

And so the adventure really begins!!!

Introducing Dr H

In the end, I decided to go with the recommendation of my kidney specialist. As it turned out, this got me in over a month earlier, so I was feeling pretty good about that decision!

Tim and I both went in to meet Dr H together. She had more SCI knowledge than I expected, which I felt was a good start. She spoke to me about the basics, such as the fact my body's going to get bigger and change shape, transfers will become more difficult and I may find I need help from a physio or OT.

One of the things she thinks will be an issue is firstly, if I will realise when I've gone into labour and secondly managing the pain to I don't get autonomic dysreflexia. So far most of my reading (the little I've been able to find) has suggested that I would be induced about two weeks before the baby is due. She is suggesting that they may simply admit me to hospital for the last few weeks, so they can monitor me. From my work in a previous life (thoroughbred stud) I know that inducing is something usually avoided, as the body hasn't gone through all the usual preparations if you induce, but that doesn't mean it's not a possibility still. She confirmed that, all going well, a vaginal birth is definitely possible, though I may need forceps or vacuum to assist. Well Mum needed forceps for me and there was nothing wrong with her ability to push, so if I need help I don't think that's unreasonable!  

Dr H also wants me to see an anaesthetist before I get pregnant, so we know what's going on and what to expect. (And probably so the anaesthetist can work out what they are doing)! While I can't feel the pain in the way I would have if I didn't have my SCI, it's still going to be painful to my body. For those of you who don't know what autonomic dysreflexia is, it's basically just my bodys reaction to pain or discomfort. I can feel it's hurting, so my body tells me in other ways. There are several different symptoms of dysreflexia, but the particularly dangerous one is the increasing blood pressure, hence the need for pain relief for an area I can't feel!

Another thing we discussed was my medications. I'm currently on Ditropan, which is fine, but Baclofen is a B3 drug and studies in rats have shown foetal abnormalities. She's going to get onto a group in Melbourne who specialise is pregnancy friendly drugs and see if we can find an alternative. In the meantime, I'm cutting my tablets back by half, to reduce the risk and see how my body copes on the lesser dose.

She's not worried about my kidney disease causing any trouble, since my kidneys are still functioning normally. If they weren't, I would be at increased risk of preeclampsia. She also sent me off for a blood test to test for rubella, measles etc. THis is a test they usually do when you first become pregnant, but this way if I need any vaccines, they can be updated before I get pregnant. 

Dr H spoke primarily to me throughout (I know, the OB should always be speaking to the woman, but that doesn't always happen when you're in a chair), but she did make sure she checked in with Tim and asked if he had any questions. I have a good feeling about her. 

I eventually got through to the Austin Hospital spinal outpatients clinic a few weeks ago. I have made contact with the lady in charge and she is more than happy to help me out. She also had me pass her number onto Dr H, so she can help her, or point her to those who can. I'm feeling a lot more comfortable about the whole situation now. As Dr H said, and complication or difficulties I experience are going to be SCI related (or complicated by my SCI) so I'm happy to know there are some experts only a phone call away!

Cutting out sugar doesn't seem to have made a difference really to my post pranial hypotension, but I have been able to manage it for the most part by eating small and often. Just getting in practice for when I am pregnant I guess. While I've not been drinking lately, I can't say I've been doing well at quitting soft cheese.

While I know this is still very early days, I have found myself being a little, how should I put this... obsessive. Logically, I know this will take time, but that doesn't chance the way I feel about it. I have readjusted my expectations, having spoken to different family members and friends. While it might only take me a month to get my pill out of my system, it could still take months for my cycle to settle down and for all the stars to line up. Even knowing this, I've found myself contently trying to calculate when I'll be ovulating. I've even done ovulation testing, not that that showed me anything. I have read some women won't ovulate every month, although with only one months data to go on, I could just be tested at entirely the wrong time!

I think that's probably me caught up for now!

Early September

Oh the frustrations! I have finally heard back from Dr D with an appointment time, at the same time as my specialist has got back with a referral to Dr H. Both these doctors work at the same clinic and I've tried to speak to the receptionist again in regards to spinal experience, but she just gave me the  same answer about them having the same qualifications. I don't know if I should be more forceful and insist I see Dr H, as she was the specialist recommendation, or just go with Dr D. The receptionist told me they both work the same area and neither has a specialty, but I refuse to believe they have never worked anywhere else or without the other, so they must have different experience! Anyway, I'm booked in for late November, which is a little bit better than December I suppose.

I've put out some feelers, trying to find an obstetrician in Melbourne with SCI experience. I've been put onto the Dr at the Austin Hospital, where I was taken when I had my accident, who coordinates the medical teams of paraplegics wanting to have children in Victoria. So hopefully, he will be able to help me out! I've also been put in touch with a couple of ladies in Victoria who have recently had children.

I will no doubt be putting together some kind of summary/FAQ page after all this. I already know that 'Find on obstertrician with SCI experience ASAP' will be on it!  

I finally got in to see the dietician recommended by my specialist last weekend. I have been having trouble with my blood pressure dropping after I eat (post prandial hypotension) the last few months, so I wanted to try and see if I could narrow down a particular food group that was causing it. She has recommended I try cutting right back on my sugars for a few weeks to see how it effects me. So far I've been going ok at avoiding them and I haven't had any major episodes yet. I've also been back eating eggs which I thought were making me crash, but if I was drinking orange juice or milo with it, I might have been blaming the eggs for the sugar problem. We will see!

I am no longer on my birth control tablets, so I guess that makes us officially 'trying' for a baby. It will be interesting to see how long this takes. I know for a woman my age, the average is around six months, but my mother never had any trouble getting pregnant with her four kids and her mother spent NINE YEARS pregnant with her 12 kids! So I've apparently got good genes for this.

I'm not a huge drinker, so I'm not having any trouble with avoiding alcohol. I can't stand coffee, so no problem there. The cheese though... I am such a huge fan of soft cheese! I know I probably shouldn't be eating it when there's a chance I'm pregnant, but at the same time, it's entirely possible I'm not! Ah the temptation! At least one of my other very good and cheese addict friends is also having to avoid it at the moment, so we can share each other’s pain!