Welcome back!

Well, it has certainly been a while and what a lot I have to tell you about! 

After having a very dark period over winter last year, I decided I needed something to wake my brain up. So this year, I began a Bachelor of Arts, in gender studies and politics. We are very lucky to have both Will's sets of grandparents close by, so he spends one day a week at each house. I'm not sure who is happier about this arrangement, Will or his grandparents... Actually, it could be me! 

The first half of the year, this worked beautifully! 

You know how they say that every baby is different? Well, after a relatively easy pregnancy with Will, his little brother/sister felt the need to remind me of the reason that saying was invented. Yep, we have number two on the way! What was meant to be a nice few week off between semesters, a chance to do some fun stuff with Will and just catch my breath, was spent feeling like absolute shit. I was just hanging out for the 12-14 week mark, waiting for that feeling I had with Will. That didn't happen, not by a long shot. 

It was always my intention to start blogging again, but I've had so little left to give anything or one, that it has not been possible until now, at 29 weeks. 

I'm someone who knows I am capable of good grades, so I don't like to settle for anything less than that. This pregnancy has meant I've had to reassess my expectations of myself. I've had to lower my cooking and housekeeping standards. I haven't been able to see my girlfriends as much as I want or even need. I am someone who gets so much from my female relationships and I've really felt the lack of those catch-ups over the past 6 months. So if you're one of the few who have managed to keep seeing me over this period; thank you! You have helped me keep my head above water. 

I have the most delightful little boy here. Will is two and half now and everyday makes me laugh at some crazy thing he does. He's an outdoor adventurer who loves nothing more than to wrestle his dog to the ground and go off on adventures around the yard, something he's been doing since he was crawling and worked out how to open the screen door. But he also loves to sit reading on his puppy mat, to help his mum bake kiss biscuits, to play dress ups with his friends, running round in a tutu. This morning he baked me some 'biscuits' (curtain rings), using his socks as oven mitts to make sure he didn't burn his hands. He amazes me with the things he's observed. 

I don't know how much he understands about this baby, but when he says goodnight to Mummy and Daddy, he also pulls up my top and gives my bump a kiss, a cuddle and several raspberries! So we will see how he goes! I think he'll be ok.

So far as the pregnancy, baby is going really well. We have chosen not to find out the gender again, since it doesn't make any real difference to us. Our nursery was painted gender neutral and hasn't changed. We will be using Wills clothes again. My doctor is obviously not worried about us, since I am also seeing the midwife. I think they call it combined care. I've only had a couple of scans this time, (like most people). Baby is growing well and was measuring about 8 days ahead at our last scan. I'm feeling lots of movement now too, which is nice and reassuring. 

Baby has been doing much better than me. I've had two iron infusions now, which has helped, but a month ago, finishing off uni, I was totally wiped out. Pregnancy is exhausting, as is having a toddler, but I was sleeping ten hours and still needing to nap. I was having to rest on the way to the clothes line, which is maybe 10 metres from the house. I wasn't ok. 

I have also had constipation a LOT earlier this time round. I'm mostly on top of it now, but at about 22 weeks it was a bit of an issue. Coloxyl with Senna and Normacol have helped. I've also been horribly bloated from about 10 weeks. I'm on Zantac again twice daily and that's helped, as well as eating little and often. And I'm on Clexane (anticoagulant) injections again, since I've been swollen (like I'd been attacked by bees) since about 18 weeks. I'm guessing. I've barely written anything about anything this time round! 

The good news is that while I'm tired still, and really noticing the extra weight, I am actually starting to get to that nice bit in the middle, where I mostly feel alright. 

I am going to have to change chairs soon. I got a new chair 18 months ago and this one, while a little wider, is taller than my last chair. I went into this pregnancy carrying a few more kilos than last time, so that extra inch or so makes a big difference! I've had a bit of niggly discomfort in my left shoulder this year, so I'm really conscious of not putting too much pressure on it. Or rather, as little as possible. 

I think bub has Will's nose...

So, where to from here? I have my next check up just before Christmas, then scan and visit with Dr D in January. She told me after Will that if I had an uncomplicated pregnancy and a small baby, a natural delivery would be possible. Induction options are limited, as the drugs they use weaken the cesarean scar, but if I went into labour spontaneously, then it would all be possible. 

This baby does not seem to be complying with the order of a 'small baby' though. It is certainly good that it's healthy and growing well, but I have a feeling Dr D will be recommending scheduling a C-section. 

So while I am coming into this a lot more mentally prepared (as opposed to last time where I decided I was going to have a natural delivery, so I just didn't think about a C-section, or what that would mean/involve) I'm still a bit disappointed. I really wanted to have that experience, and I know that if I have a second cesarean, that's it. Even if/when we go back for number three, a natural delivery won't be an option after two C-sections. I know at the end of the day we just want a healthy mum and bub, but I'm not quite ready to accept that I might need to give up my natural delivery to get that. Good thing I still have a couple of months to get used to the idea! 

I'm going to stop now, before this gets too long, but I will try to keep updating over Christmas. 

Thanks for coming back. Until next time! 

Almost 2 years in...

I know we all say this about our lives all the time, but I can't believe how fast the time is going! Will is 2 in just over a month. So much is going on, with Will, but also with me and our family in general.

Will is absolutely in full on toddler mode now. He's not just walking but running. And not just that little cute half waddle run, actually running. For the most part, he's still very good. He will often run away from me at home, but if we are out, I can count on him to be pretty good. I bought one of those kiddy leashes, but we don't have to use it very often. He was on my lap in the supermarket last week and climbed off, went over to another families trolley, held on to that and turned around and grinned at me as if to say 'look mum, I've found a new family!' That's about as naughty as he gets.

He is very inquisitive and adventurous though. I have found I have to be very careful with what I give him access to. We have a fire screen and he knows 'hot', but he also managed to open the fire screen, and the fire door, to put on a piece of wood he very helpfully brought inside for me. I smelt smoke from the other end of the house. I've never moved so fast in my life!! So our fire screen now has an additional child lock on it...
He is also a monkey. If there is a ladder around, he WILL climb it! It doesn't matter if it's 5 meters high and only has one leg on the ground...

Our next challenge is going to be nappy training, which I want to tackle in the next few months. It's one of those things that everyone has an opinion on and everyone knows how to do, but no one wants to do it for me, strangely enough. So that's going to be fun. I'm currently reading Oh crap! Poppy Training by Jamie Glowacki. So I guess I'll finish that and do what I usually do- take what I want, throw out the rest!

Will is currently mad on books. He loves story time and will sit and read with Tim or I for as long as we will keep reading. We are still getting an afternoon nap from him (I'm so happy bout that) and we have a lovely story time routine before his nap. Even if he does have 3 favourite books I have to read 4 times a day. He's quite well read on books with strong female characters.

Will was a bit slow on his words, but over the past few weeks he's coming out with a new word almost every day. It's just clicked, obviously.

If you read my last post, you might be able to guess I wasn't in a great place last winter. I have found out I have depression and was in the middle of a bad bout/spell/whatever you want to call it. I've since found myself a good psychologist and worked out that winter is my 'danger' period, so we have been working to prepare me for this winter. I've joined a gym and am going boxing a couple of times a week, which I really enjoy. I've also quit Facebook, which I was spending hours on a day, which has helped immensely; I log on maybe every 2 months now.

I've also started uni. Just part time, so I only do 2 days a week. Will spends one day with each set of grandparents, which both Will and grandparents love. Those 2 days give me time to start learning who I am again. After 2 years at home, I had lost track of who I was. I felt bored all the time and even worse, I felt boring. I couldn't hold down a conversation about anything except m child. Which is fine if you're someone who want's to talk about my kid, but most people don't care beyond the 'how are they'. And to be honest, I want to talk about something other than him sometimes. I love him, but he's only 2. There is only so much to say about him. And I certainly used to be able to hold an interesting conversation before!

So I'm doing much better. I'm studying politics and gender studies which I'm loving, especially the gender studies. My brain is beginning to fell less like overcooked oatmeal. I overdo it sometimes and just crash, but I feel like I'm setting myself up to get through the cold dark months. 

We got a puppy towards the end of last year, a red kelpie called Pia. She drives me mad some days, but she and Will love each other. I often find them out on the lawn wrestling each other. I never know who has who pinned down.

Will and Pia

Will has continued to be a massive farm kid. He loves nothing more than going out on the motorbike to check the cows, or in the tractor to help Daddy. Agfest was his favourite thing ever- two days with Daddy looking at tractors and cows... Heaven!

Tim and I took Will and Tim's mum away for a long weekend to Victoria in March. We went over on the boat and took Will to the Melbourne zoo (he wanted to take a lemur home, as in a live one. He settled for a toy one) and a drive down the great ocean road. It was a great couple of days away. It was a bit more relaxed that our speedy road trip to Byron Bay last year to see my cousin get married, though that was good too, in it's own way.

The Big Merino at Goulburn

On the whole, Will is growing way too fast, but he's a great kid and we can't complain. I've missed writing though, so I will try to be a better person. Thanks for sticking with me!!