Thursday, 6 February 2020

An introduction to me...


My name is Katherine Reed and I’m mum to William (3) and Harrison (1). We live in Tasmania with my husband Tim on our farm. 

When I was 19, I fell off a horse and broke my back, leaving me paralysed from my chest down. While I mourned the loss of my ability to ride, my mum mourned the loss of my ability to have children. It turns out we were both wrong. 11 years later, I have gone on to ride again, to travel Australia solo, to represent my country in wheelchair basketball and attended ag college, all before coming home to Tasmania to settle down and have those babies my mum thought I’d never have.
My first son Will was born in 2016, and like new parents everywhere, Tim and I worked it out as we went. I tried to speak to as many women with spinal cord injuries as I could, to help learn what SCI specific issues I might need to prepare for, as well as any useful tips they might be able to provide. Unfortunately, I found there were few of these women to talk to and very little information to be found online. This led me to begin my blog, Para Pregnancy. I knew there were going to be plenty of other women coming after me who could benefit from my experiences.

I’m a complete paraplegic, at the level of the 4th and 5th thoracic vertebrae. I have pins and needles from half-way down my breasts and below, which meant I had to monitor a correct feeding latch by sound and sight, rather than feel. I can’t walk or stand, and my balance is impaired. My bowel and bladder care are managed by a combination of medications, timing, self-catheterisation (bladder) and suppositories and stomach massage (bowels). My bowel routine takes up to an hour most days. It’s sucks, but it is what it is. I also have trouble regulating my temperature and rely on a room thermometer to help know how warm to dress the boys, since I almost always feel cold. My reproductive system is not affected, so I can still menstruate and get pregnant as normal.

Because my body cannot feel pain or discomfort in the usual way, I have an ‘alarm system’ called autonomic dysreflexia. This means in painful situations (i.e. childbirth), I have to be careful to manage my pain. I laboured with both my boys, but for various reasons, both ended up emergency caesarean sections. I’ve written about both over three posts; here, here and here.

I’ve only ever been a mum in a wheelchair, so I don’t have anything to compare it to. I have many of the same issues as any other mum, so I just do my best to adjust to the situation. I find I often rely on strangers for help. I have to think ahead a little more sometimes. For example, there are only a select few spots in town I can park where I have flat access to both sides of the car in order to get both Will and Harry out safely. If they are all full, I might park where I have access to one side of the car, then recruit a passer-by to get Harry from the other side.

I need to be quite strict with Will about some things, like picking up toys in the walkways, so I don’t fall out of my chair holding baby Harry, and not to run away, since he can easily outrun me now. I very much pick my battles, allowing him to run and explore around whenever I can. We have a large house yard, so he is allowed a lot of freedom outside.

Often, I will be getting out of my car and someone passing by will comment on me, getting my chair out of the car. While I know they are just trying to be supportive and encouraging, I find it somewhat amusing, since I’m about to get two kids and a pram out too. Me operating the pram looks very impressive, but I promise you I find it quite easy. I keep one hand on my wheels and the other on the pram, alternating hands as I push one side, then the other. It does mean I travel in a bit of a zig zag until I get up momentum, but on a downhill we’re like a freight train!

When it comes to what equipment I’ve bought, a lot of my choice had been dictated by what I’ve had available to try out. We don’t have a huge range down here. The capsule we got was the only one I could get in and out of both the pram and car without assistance. We used a co-sleeper bassinet, so I could feed in bed and stay warm. Around home I used a regular pillow on my lap, so I could lay Harry on it (without him rolling off my lap) until he was big enough to sit up.

I find the word inspirational is overused. I know people are trying to be encouraging, but it’s my pet peeve. I’m not an extraordinary person, I just happen to be living a live many people (mistakenly) think is the worst thing that could happen to you. If I’d curing cancer, sure, but if it’s an activity completely ordinary without the wheelchair in the picture, I’d prefer ‘impressive’ or ‘interesting’. Of course, I can only speak for myself. I personally prefer people to talk to me, to ask their questions and learn, but many people with disabilities really don’t want to deal with this.

At the end of the day, I’m not much different to any other mum. I have good days and bad days. I always appreciate the offer for help, even if I don’t always accept it. I am also very aware of how good I have it. People can see my disability; they go out of their way to make sure I’m ok. We all have something that we struggle with, that makes some days hard for us.

Harry, Katherine, Will, Tim (& Pia the dog). 
You might look at me in my wheelchair and think you couldn’t handle it. You’d be surprised what you can deal with when you don’t have a choice. You might see my chair and think about all the things it stops me doing. In actual fact, that chair is what allows me to continue to live a free live; it’s my legs. And as anyone chasing a child escaping on a bike can tell you; wheels are a very efficient way to travel!



I was recently interviewed by Holly Wainwright for Mamamia's This Glorious Mess podcast. You can listen to that here. I managed to completely avoid talking about Tim the entire podcast. I tend to write mostly about myself and my experiences, but he is a very active part of our family, an excellent Dad and husband and absolutely deserves a shout out!